It's sometimes hard to see all that life has to offer when there's something bringing you down

 Dearest reader, 

A few months ago, I came up with the idea of transferring. Today, I am going to share with you my Common App Transfer Essay up until this point. Enjoy.

Uncertainty is a feeling of not knowing what is coming next, a feeling that one could either take on with pride or let themselves drown in. Starting at Villanova, I was excited by this lack of control, not knowing what incredible places the next four years would take me. The last two years have been filled with nothing short of uncertainty. This uncertainty, however, was not the uncertainty I had hoped it to be, but rather an uncertainty that fills me with dread each morning I wake up.

In high school, I struggled with friendships, seeking membership within the friend groups I deemed popular or cool. I found myself chasing after what I had considered the dream life: superficial friendships with people that had been nothing but unkind to me and the self-appointed title of “one of the 'it' girls.” This constant chasing sent me into a spiral. I forgot the person I was before my escapade. The girl I saw in the mirror was not the same girl she was looking back at. It felt like there was a heavy weight attached to my ankle, and I could not come up for air. Both my self-esteem and my mental health had plummeted insurmountably, and I found myself wishing on stars for any way to escape the pain of how I was feeling.

With the fresh start of college came a fresh start for me, too. I rebranded myself. I was finally someone that did not care about my reputation or what circle I ran in or what was trendy or cool. I was me, and that was all that mattered. As I continued on, I came to realize many similarities between my high school and my new school. That fresh start had begun to rot, and my rebrand was slowly reversing itself. I was falling back into the patterns of my old self: caring about what other people thought of me and of my friends and taking it way to close to heart. Simply put, college became high school part two. I was pulled right back down to the ocean floor.

I haven't finished this essay. To be honest, I don't know that I ever will. I talked to Dad and Mom and Amy about what transferring would mean for me and what it actually would accomplish. I realized that it really wouldn't do anything. Nothing would change. I would just have to start again in a brand new place where people already formed their cliques and solidified their friend groups. All I would be doing would be placing myself in an environment inadequate for social prosperity. All I would be doing would be passing go and perpetuating the cycle I've found myself to be stuck in. Mitigating and not removing. 

What can I do to fix how I feel, might you ask? It's quite simple, really. Everything I am unhappy about here at Villanova is something I can change. I can make plans with the people that make me happy, avoid the people that make me anxious or upset, and put myself in positions that set me up for success all around. 

This whole mindset really impacted my decision to go abroad, as well. If I transferred, I most likely would not be able to go abroad. This was NOT an option since I've dreamed of studying abroad since before I even knew that was possible. When I decided I was definitely not going to transfer, I began to put a lot more thought into going abroad and where than I had ever before. I decided on Madrid: it's busy, it has lots to do, it's green, and it's slightly outside the mainstream. I knew wherever I went I would have people there with me, but boy am I glad to go abroad with the others going to Madrid. They are all equally as excited as me, include me in their discussions about the upcoming experience, and, most importantly, will be by my side through thick and thin. And I can say this confidently! 

Now I am off to enjoy Villanova and make it the best place for me. 

Forever and Always, 

Alyssa